Baker Memo Explains Bad Weekend

Posted by Nick Kendall in Cincinnati Reds on Bugsandcranks.com
April 14th, 2008

The weekend sweep by the Pirates was all part of a master plan.

The weekend sweep by the Pirates was all part of a master plan.
A team memo dated April 11, 2008 has been recovered from the visiting locker room at PNC park in Pittsburgh. Our Bug & Cranks investigative team has passed the memo on to me, determining that a conspiracy of Black Sox proportions was in the works this weekend. They have also informed me that allegations of windows in the men’s restrooms allowing fans to watch the game as they urinate, thus, Pee-N-See Park, are in fact, false. What a shame.

On the top of the memo was “From the Desk of Dusty Baker.” There was a Reds logo watermark and it was signed Dusty “Too Fresh” Baker. There were also some doodles of Mr. Redleg beating some sausage guys, so we assume it is legitimate. It somewhat helps to explain what occurred when the Reds were so pitifully pounded in Pittsburgh (I apologize for the alliteration) . Here are some excerpts:

"I was just chillin’ in my office, listening to Tupac, when I realized we are off to a good start. Taking series from Milwaukee and Philadelphia, not to mention, splitting a series with Arizona is impressive. We have had great pitching performances and fans are rallying with anticipation of a great season. This is not a good thing.

Cincinnati fans, as has been told to me, don’t like high expectations. They want to think of their sports teams as mediocre and stuck in endless underachieving. This way, if we do well late in the season, it’s an extra boost to local morale. Plus, I don’t do well under the pressure of having a dominating team all year long. I just want to hang around until we can make a move. Also, I have a three year deal. I don’t want to set the bar too high right out of the gate. Therefore, I have a plan for this weekend to put us back in our place, and give some false hope to the folks in Pittsburgh. It’s a win-win situation. Actually , a lose-lose-lose situation, but I’ll explain that in a minute. There will be incentives for those who follow these rules.

* First, swing at the first pitch as often as possible. Especially with runners in scoring position or during important innings when we need a rally.
* Second, Leave as many runners on base as possible. This way, it looks like we are actually trying, but we won’t score.
* Third, make throwing errors. Throwing errors are your best bet to stay in the line-up.
* Fourth, do not get 3 hits in a game. You will be benched.
* Lastly, if all else fails, Do not score runs. Get thrown out, don’t take the extra bag, whatever it takes.

I will do my part by making bad managerial calls and putting together weird line-ups but no one will notice, I do that kind of thing all the time anyway. With some determination, we can achieve mediocrity. I know we can do it."

Reviewing the evidence, this letter can not be a hoax.

* Edwin Encarnacion left 13 on base and committed 2 throwing errors in one game, yet played all 3 days.
* Jr. Griffey, left 12 on base and played all 3 games even against left handed pitching. He even had a shot at a guy at the plate, but pretended to not have a grip on the ball so he didn’t have to throw him out.
* Joey Votto had 4 hits in 2 games, including 3 hits on Saturday. Keeping to his promise, Dusty benched him on Sunday. Instead he opted to add the offensive prowess of Juan Castro and move Kepp over to first.

All in all, the weekend was a success, by Dusty’s standards. They left 32 on base, swung at countless first pitches (especially with runners on base) and Dusty ran out a number of odd line-ups and eerie substitutions at inopportune times. The Reds offensive juggernaut managed 4 runs against a team that allowed 23 in their last three games.

Way to go Dusty.